Christina Ann Joanna Barrett

Upset With Myself

I got so mad when I couldn't get the Word Captchas to work. I got bumped into a worse mood. I must be getting more and more upset, lately. I don't even know what I was on. At least, I didn't like do it for real as opposed tot thinking it. I felt like something was overcoming me.

I just told myself to ignore stuff! I just felt my opinion. They won't let bygones be bygones. I'm not mean. Unfortunately, they are. I just felt like I was being duped into submission, I think. But I just told myself to ignore things. It seems that always happens. I just didn't want to be duped, as in being told to suddenly think badly or whatever.. I also feel critiqued for what I chose to say about this aloud. I'd just like to have a nice conversation where things make sense and have reasons.

I don't need to think these things. It's like getting mad if a loved one gets sick. Or if you get poked at incessantly. I feel I'm settled, now, but I thought very negatively. I really don't wanna deal with what other people think of it. They've collected things from my past and popped them up. I wasn't really being bad and attacking. I just was being defensive and felt a bit upset at what it meant and for some reason was like possessed, I think, which is not something I should do.. Things like this didn't used to happen. I think it's too much stress now from my dad over little things. You try. I can't seem to see these consequences in a positive light. I'm actually just 1/2 his kid. I never thought of it that way before. I feel abused for my other 1/2, like he had it in him to handle me and make things impossible for me to think I'm a deserving life.

I'm not up to wanting my dad mistreated. He may be the hub/source of the issue, but I want his happiness spared. So, I have to keep that in mind..

I don't know how to right this wrong. I did sorta stomp my foot walking away if you think about it or care. No fits of anger of late, tho.

I get fed an incident every day. That's not how life goes. I can settle and be happy now, but I know I bothered them before or recently.

I feel like I'm not to be trusted yet also not left alone. I did recently realize it was up to me to propel and accept my life. I'm getting up there..

I don't know what to say for relief from these people, even prayer. I'm already settled from the incident. They get worse and harder to settle from, but I haven't had the physical fits as much. I don't feel right physically, probably the meds.

I feel like I'm okay. So, good night.

Mean Secret Messages

Some people act like they're nice, but they don't agree with me racially or other things. I keep getting mean secret messages, tho. There's no work to distract them or fun. Maybe, if I basically make a mistake, I will never get anything out of some people, "cuz they don' need me." They just don't. I was some mistake in their life.

test

IMDb - The Soapbox

Re: If you saw a famous pop star in hell.....

I was at the Wax Museum in the nation's oldest continuing city. They had a display of Michael Jackson with a song playing with laughter in the background. He was walking in a graveyard.

You all aren't better than me.

What a failure of a crowd.

Question

Why are you rubbing in someone to me but not others?

Josh Groban - UFO

This is exactly what we saw. Video does it about 1/10th justice. https://t.co/m3dx91a13y
— josh groban (@joshgroban) November 8, 2015

Looking for Emotional People?

If it's mean to suggest someone guesses they're superior, then why can they basically/clearly seem to do it? I guess there are other people in the world who are their equals. I am one of those people, but you don't have to talk to me if you think I'm not. I'll judge you myself. I said you didn't have to think of me that way. I have my own opinion of what's good. What does anyone think?

Question

Do you just think you're better than everyone else? So, you wanna pick on me and even say someone else is, like, the best person in the world and let them be mean to me? That doesn't even make sense!

If you have an issue, stick to it.